If you are wondering what the title is about, try saying it in your mind the way kids tease each other.
Yes, the Nanny State is at it again.
Earlier today, news began to filter out, from the usual sources, as usual, that the government was readying to announce ‘guidelines’ for online and social media content. These guidelines require OTT and other online content to be categorized into FIVE different ratings, from U, suitable for all audiences to A, adults only.
Pornhub (don’t ask me what that is, or what you will find there!) issues an ‘Insights’ report every year. India has always done ‘well’, usually staying in the top 5 positions. What’s more, we really kill it on consumption on the mobile: India leads, handily beating the US (no puns were meant).
Into this picture, bring our morality watchers at PIN code 110001, within a kilometer of Sansad Marg, who have a rather jaundiced view of what we ACTUALLY do, rather than what they THINK we do. Who are appalled by language richly embellished with unambiguous anatomical references, often framed in the most lyrical manner (Sample from Bengali: The kinetic impact of my foot on your glutes may transmute your delicates into elegant earrings). Stupefied by real people engaging in reproductive activities rather different from drinking another’s tears. Repelled by the sight of blunt force trauma resulting in injury or worse (since they never watched coverage of assorted chaat waalas going vintage Sly Stallone). There they are in their magnificent offices commanding breathtaking views of New Delhi’s Central Vista, tut tutting at this unseemly vulgarity which the peasants are being nightly, and daily, exposed to.

How do these mandarins think we all got here? Is India the Matrix in which people emerge, fully grown, from factory farms full, as far as the eye can see, from foetuses incubating in vitro? Are all those cannons in our forts and citadels, up and down the length of the country, only decorative?

Were all the muskets, swords, spears, barchhas, khukris, baghnakhs, bayonets and bandoliers merely articles of attire? What were those men and women, captured in flagrante delicto, in temples from Konark to Khajuraho doing? Heck, what are Muladhara, Kundalini and all the other wonderful goings-on in the Tantric world?

The whole idea of ‘conditional access’ which drives the online content, particularly which resides behind paywalls, is that consumers choose, with their wallets, to consume or not. Think of it as a restaurant buffet. You can mark things as ‘vegetarian’, ‘suitable for Jains’, ‘contains nuts’, ‘vegan’, ‘halal’, ‘contains pork’ and so on, so that consumers with dietary restrictions may make sensible choices. You don’t banish some foods altogether, because the human mind has insatiable curiosity for the prohibited and proscribed. The more someone tells me something isn’t good for me, the more likely I am to look for ways to get at it. Data supports this contention too. Many countries have relaxed restrictions on marijuana. Instead of driving the population to addiction, it has taken away its ‘sin’ appeal.
Regulators ought to know that the harder they try to keep stuff out of India’s reach, the more they will provoke Indians to ferret it out.

(The views expressed in the article are those of the writer and indianbroadcastingworld.com need not necessarily subscribe those views)